Bankruptcy and beyond

Bankruptcy is one of the last great taboos and it happens to millions of people all over the world. More and more young women have made the decision to go bankrupt (or had the decision made for them).

There is little in the world that engenders a greater feeling of shame than bankruptcy. There are still so many images that flee to mind of great investors riding off into the sunset on decent workers wages. Bankruptcy can and does happen to everyday people too.

Bankruptcy can be a viable choice. Bankruptcy can and does happen to ordinary people. Becoming bankrupt is a difficult decision.

However living a lie is a more difficult choice which is what so many of us do when we live outside our means and make a statement to the world with our financial choices that isn't reflective of our reality.

My story

I, like many other young people made a range of bad choices leading up to bankruptcy. I spent too much on credit cards. I got heavily in debt because I believed in the lie that I am the sum total of my possessions and that i was immune to lifes upheavals as I had a steady job and made good money. I consolidated those debts and promptly borrowed more. I beleived banks when they gave me loans. I thought that meant I could pay them back. I was wrong. I was ill informed and ignorant. I made huge mistakes.

I eventually made the incredibly difficult decision to go bankrupt. I did this due to a Life event... my partner became ill and was no longer able to work. I did not, till the day I declared bankruptcy, miss one of my repayments. It was a very very difficult time.

I have felt a tremendous amount of shame. Shame for no longer being able to provide for my family in the way I thought I had to. Shame for no longer being able to pay back my debts to the bank. I felt like a substandard member of society with a great big scarlet "B" on my forehead.

I felt significant trauma and this was due to my own battles with acknowleging my many mistakes.Its not easy to look back over a sum amount of little mistakes and larger mistakes and realise that you are solely responsible for the position of debt you are now in.

 I felt a huge amount of fear. Fear I would lose everything, fear that I would not have a roof over my head, that the sums of my experience would change my options and life forever.

What I never expected to feel, was relief. Relief that I had finally faced up to my challenges. That my reality was no longer created on lies. That the debts were no longer ruling my existence. That I was able to gain perspective on what was truly important.

Three years on I can say that going bankrupt was the best thing I could have done. It gave me my life back and taught me so many invaluable lessons. I live a far simpler life now. Its not always an easy life but it is an honest life and it is based on my own income and my own truth. If I can't afford it, I dont buy it.

Some things to remember

What I wish I had known and that other people can now learn from me.

1. Don't wait until the creditors are knocking to declare bankruptcy. If you know you can no longer do it anymore, do it sooner rather than later. I didn't have one possession taken away by creditors as I didn't allow it to get to that position. As soon as I realised my partner was no longer able to work there was very little I could do and i took the bull by the horns to change my position

2. Be honest with creditors. I negotiated with my finance company to keep repaying my car so I didn't lose it. Don't be ashamed. Truth is, they have heard it all before. I called all my creditors and told them about my decision to go bankrupt, and was in some cases able to continue using products (on lease agreements) and continue to work with them in order to aid my choices.

3 Examine all your options. Read up. Google. find out if you can consolidate your debts or if that is not an option anymore. Be informed. Knowledge is power. You are the one who lives with your choices. You are the one punishing yourself by choosing to give your power away. Just as you were the one who made your financial decisions, you are the one who can give yourself a new beginning, but only if you own it.

4. Face the ugly truth. It is ugly. It hurts to open those bills and to truly recognise the levels of self deception you are capable of. But it feels a hell of a lot better when those bills are all out there and not waking you up at 3 o clock in the morning. And the ugliness dissipates once it becomes a workable problem.

3. Be proud of the fact that perhaps for the first time in many years, you are living within your honesty and your truth. Live as you are not as you believe you should be. Trust me. In 3 months you wont remember that meal out or that "sexy top'. But you will remember the things that are really important. You will find out who your friends are (because they are the ones that still want to hang out with you even though you cant afford the movies). You may realise the important thing is not "which" roof is over your head, as long as there is one. You may for the first time in many years be able to concentrate on your family rather than your debts.

4. "What I want isn't always what I need". We have all made the calls and heard the excuses. I am miserable, i deserve a pedicure, haircut, new RV. Stop the pattern. Ask yourself why you are miserable. Listen to the emotion behind the compulsion. Find other ways to meet those sadness and grief needs. Concentrate on making yourself a more confident person rather than hiding behind a lot of possessions.

5. Be excited about the new challenges. I now ride a bike to work everyday. I never in a million years thought I would do that, but the benefits have been incredible. I grow vegetables. I write my budget down each week. I still make mistakes and wrong choices, but now I own them and actively seek for a new way to challenge and conquer.

6. When something doesn't work anymore, try something new. Leave your phone at home for two weeks and discover if you really "need that phone" after all.So your new budget isn't working for you? No one is responsible for that except you, so invest some time into making it right.

7. Forgive yourself. We only have one life. It is an important one and you are learning new and valuable things every day. See this bankruptcy as a huge opportunity for you. It can lead you in so many new paths.

8. Own your choices. You have a choice to work more or work less. You have a choice to spend more or spend less. Don't let your brain rewire your choices to make you "the victim". a choice to spend less so you don't have to work more is just that. A choice. The universe isn't conspiring to get you. It just is what it is.

good luck!